


If I said I liked your body, would you hold it against me?

by aprofessorstale



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-24 23:57:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4938889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aprofessorstale/pseuds/aprofessorstale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: What if Bucky didn't get captured and was in the audience with the 107th to see Captain America?</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I said I liked your body, would you hold it against me?

The oh-so-familiar music started and Steve instantly got a headache. The showgirls went on first, so he just frowned at them from backstage. He fiddled with the make-shift shield he held and wondered at the worn paper taped to the back with his lines. He didn’t need it anymore and didn’t _that_ just sum this up. He’d done this show hundreds, maybe even thousands, of times. It made him feel totally fucking worthless.

Now he was _finally_ , finally overseas. He’d made it. He was _here_ …

...and they wanted him to go out on stage in costume in front of a full regiment of men who actually got to serve their country while he acted in movies and danced on stages. It made him feel sick. He was ashamed and frustrated and honestly _really fucking tired of this goddamn song_. But Steve Rogers never backed down from a challenge, so when the musical cue struck, he stepped out on that stage with a smile on his face.

God. Their _faces_. Some of them couldn’t even look at the stage. They just stared straight ahead. Others rolled their eyes. A handful paid attention and appreciated this as a rare form of entertainment, but in an audience of about 200, the handful wasn’t exactly an overwhelming percentage.

“Who’s ready to help me sock ol’ Adolf on the jaw?” The lines were easy to spit out the same way he had a dozen times, but everything he said felt like ash in his mouth in front of these men. “I need a volunteer!” He hated this bit. He especially hated it right now.

“I already volunteered! How do you think I got here!” A voice cried out and Steve could've fell through the earth and died right there. He didn’t. He kept going.

He opened his mouth to speak again, but another voice rang out from the back of the crowd, “Steve?!”

Steve froze. He’d know that voice anywhere.

“STEVE, WHAT THE HELL?!”

There was a commotion in the crowd as a man in the back pushed his way to the front.

Ignoring that, some of the other men cried out, “Bring back the girls!”

Steve watched the crowd part for the man in the back and quickly darted off the stage. That damn song started again and the girls ran past him to take their places.

He heard a loud thump as the man from the back climbed onto the stage. Loud footsteps signaled that he was running straight toward Steve.

Steve turned to face him.

Bucky stared at his eyes, anger and confusion swirling in them.

When Steve didn’t move, Bucky reached up and pulled his cowl back.

As soon as he did Bucky’s hand went to his mouth and he turned away to absorb it all.

Steve watched his back for a couple seconds, “Bucky, I can explain.”

“Shhh. Don’t. Just. Hold on.” Bucky was wiping his eyes. He glanced back and cursed. In a sudden wave of anger, he stepped closer to Steve. “What the hell did you do? Did you make a deal with the devil or something? Am I dreaming? I’m dreaming. This is a fucking nightmare. Christ.”

Steve sighed as Bucky paced back and forth, pinching himself. “Buck, it’s not a nightmare and I didn’t sell my soul.”

Bucky scoffed. “Bull _shit_ , Steve. Look at you.” He gestured at Steve’s body. “You’re… you _do_ realize you’re _taller_ than me?! What the _fuck_.” Bucky’s open armed gesture seemed to fail him and he found his other arm extending as well as he fell into an embrace. His arms wrapped around Steve awkwardly and held him tightly. “I can’t say I’m glad to see you here, but I’m glad to see you.”

Steve returned the embrace. “I missed you too.”

Bucky poked at the muscle under his hands and Steve let out a weary sigh. “Is this permanent?”

Steve laughed, “So far.”

Bucky released him. “Did it hurt?”

Steve looked him in the eye, “A little.” Bucky could easily call bullshit on that too.

Bucky glanced down at Steve’s chest, still reeling. His finger reached out to poke his chest.

Steve swatted him away. “Stop it!”

Bucky let a short cat fight ensue between them, watching an easy smile fall onto Steve’s lips. At least he still smiled the same. “It’s weird! Can you blame me? I mean, you can’t tell me you didn’t…”

Bucky let the thought trail off. Steve tried not to turn red, but he knew exactly what Bucky was gonna say. ‘...touch yourself after.’ Bucky usually wouldn’t hesitate with that kinda joke, but now he did. Jesus. What the hell happened to the 107th?

Bucky kept poking Steve. He eventually tugged at the neck of the uniform and Steve let him. He’d just get this over with now so they wouldn’t have to do it again. Bucky stared at the line of muscle connecting Steve’s neck to his shoulder.

Steve stared at him pointedly.

Bucky shrugged. “I just wanted to make sure they didn’t like… frankenstein you.”

Steve let his face fall into his hand. “Buck, jesus. They didn’t- They didn’t sew my head to- I volunteered.”

Bucky’s back went ramrod straight. “You _what_?”

Steve realized that may not have been the best choice of words without context. But what other way was there to say it. “Uh… you remember Howard Stark right?”

“Steve. What the hell does this have to do with Howard Stark.” Bucky’s eyes flickered over Steve worriedly. He was such a mom sometimes.

“Howard Stark was working with some other scientists to develop some tools for the war.”

Bucky’s fists clenched. “And what, you? _You’re_ the tool?!”

Steve chewed his lip. “Well, I mean, in a manner of speaking, yeah.”

Bucky turned away again, processing. He spun around really quick and punched Steve _hard_ in the shoulder.

Steve jumped and held his arm. “Ow! What the hell?!”

Bucky just shook his head, “I’ve always wanted to do that when you did something fucking stupid.”

Steve deadpanned. “Well I’m glad the experiment has some perks for you.”

Bucky paled. “Experiment?”

It was different than his reactions to everything else. Life itself seemed to drain from Bucky’s countenance.

Steve stepped forward, holding Bucky up by the shoulders. “Woah, hey there. Bucky.”

Bucky’s eyes went unfocused over Steve’s shoulder. Steve snapped in front of his face and watched Bucky slowly focus on the motion and sound. He latched onto Steve’s arms to hold himself up. He focused on his hands that were unable to close around Steve’s forearms. When he was steady on his feet, his ran his hands along Steve’s arms carefully. “Fuckin’ weird. Fuckin’...experiment, Steve.” He turned to Steve with anger. “What the hell were you thinking?”

Steve held his eyes cautiously. “I was thinking I wasn’t gonna let you be alone out here.”

Bucky glanced around, making sure no one was around. A couple of stagehands had passed them as they spoke, but the show had ended and everyone abandoned the area. Bucky’s voice was a whisper. “You’re really here? It’s really you?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, Buck. I’m here.”

Bucky fell against him, laughing when his head landed on Steve’s chest. “God, I feel tiny.”

Steve hummed an agreement. “I feel huge.”

Bucky pretended to run a hand down Steve’s stomach. “Oh, _do_ you?”

Steve pushed him away with a smile.

Peggy walked into the backstage area, looking around and calling Steve’s name. Steve turned to her voice. “Over here, Peg.”

He turned back to Bucky to see Bucky’s eyebrow raised and a knowing look on his face.

Steve turned red and narrowed his eyes in warning. ...which just made Bucky smile bigger.

Peggy walked up to join them. “Sergeant Barnes, I presume?”

He reached out to shake her hand, “She presumes, does she, Steve?”

Peggy smiled. “He may have shared some stories.”

Bucky glared at Steve. Steve held his hands up. “Only the good stuff.”

Bucky glanced back at Peggy. Her smile betrayed him. “Sure, Steve.” He held Peggy’s attention and motioned to Steve. “You saw him before this? It’s really strange, isn’t it?”

Peggy nodded. “It’s definitely strange, but no one deserved it more than Steve. Dr. Erskine singled him out very specifically. It was a matter of character and no one shined in that area more than Steve.”

Bucky tried to stay mocking, but a pleased, proud smile spread over his lips. He punched Steve lightly in the chest. “He’s still an idiot, though.”

Peggy looked between them with a small grin. “You’re not entirely wrong.”

The laughter faded from Bucky’s eyes as he consulted Peggy as a secondary source on the matter. “So what’s this mean for the asthma?” He said asthma, but Steve and Peggy both knew he was implying all of Steve’s illnesses.

Steve nodded to Peggy for the answers. “Steve’s body underwent a drastic change. Everything about him, even his mind and some personality traits, have been exaggerated and mended.”

Bucky interrupted at that key word. “Mended.” He looked at Steve with hope in his eyes.

Steve just nodded. “Can’t get sick anymore, Buck.”

It was as if Bucky forgot Peggy was there. He threw himself at Steve, ruffling his hair awkwardly and patting him on the back. “You little fucker.”

Steve pried him off, but couldn’t help mirroring the contagious grin that enveloped Bucky’s face. “I haven’t coughed since I came out of that tube.”

Bucky glanced at Peggy. “He doesn’t mean a test tube, right?”

She laughed and shook her head.

Bucky took a step back and took it in. Steve was healthy. Okay, so he was strong too, and jesus, was his jaw always that chiseled? But whatever. He was healthy. And tall. But he was Steve.

____________

Bucky didn’t leave Steve’s side for the rest of the day. Every once in awhile, Steve would feel a sharp pain in his side, but he stopped turning around to glare at Bucky. Bucky was just trying to wrap his head around this.

Steve got that. He really did. Hell, he’d done the same to himself for the first couple of weeks. He’d have panic attacks when he woke up feeling like his body was weighed down and he was drowning in the ocean or something. It was a lot to take in, your whole body rearranging itself in less than an hour. He still didn’t quite recognize himself in the mirror.

Especially since he knew Bucky had no idea. To Bucky, he was still sick, scrawny Steve. Now that Bucky knew, this all felt so much more real.

Steve walked toward his tent. Bucky glanced away, unsure what to do seeing as his own tent was across the camp. Steve gestured inside. “Wanna see how the other half lives?”

They didn’t exactly have ritzy lodgings, but the showgirls (as Patton generously included Steve in) were better off than most of the haphazard barracks.

Bucky looked around quietly. Steve couldn’t figure out why there was a change in atmosphere. The sound of the zipper filled the quiet space as Bucky tugged the ‘door’ closed. “Bucky-”

Bucky shook his head and moved toward Steve, silent as a cat. He tugged at Steve’s shirt and Steve got the hint.

He flushed, embarrassed, as he stripped. He understood. He’d gone through this whole process on his own and Bucky needed to see to believe. Steve had done the exact same thing for himself. It shouldn’t be so odd to do it for Bucky.

Bucky stood back to give Steve as much space as he needed. He just had to see. He didn’t want to make Steve uncomfortable.

Steve got down to his underwear and stopped.

Bucky’s eyes flitted across Steve’s body. Steve wasn’t sure what to feel. He objectively knew he was shaped like every girl’s fantasy, but he still felt like Steve.

Bucky’s voice was quiet as he finally spoke up. “You’re aware you have like fourteen abs, right?”

Steve let out a laugh with relief, the ‘fourteen abs’ all rippled with the motion.

Bucky kept staring. Steve stepped forward. “I, uh… so this is weird, but-”

Bucky nodded, not remotely trying to deny it. “Yeah. You used to be a stick and now you’re the strongest guy I know.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I meant.”

Bucky hummed. “Oh, the naked part.”

Steve let out a short sigh. “Also, not- I was _going_ to say… uh… if it’ll help…”

Steve took another step forward and Bucky took a step back. “Steve.”

Steve glanced away. “It’s not a big deal. It took me a lot of time to get used to it.”

Bucky’s jaw clenched. “Steve, you _know_ -”

“Yeah, I do. And I don’t care. It’s okay.”

Bucky had told Steve a long, long time ago that he was scared about something he couldn’t change. Steve wasn’t sure what he’d meant, but over the years, but had eventually confessed that he would often feel the same about men that he felt about women. Steve had been surprised, but he kept the secret and they didn’t talk about it much.

Again, Steve was aware he was shaped like every girl’s fantasy. He knew touching would help Bucky know this was real, but he wasn’t really sure how Bucky felt about the way he looked.

Bucky shook his head, but when Steve took another step forward, Bucky didn’t step back.

Eventually they stood close enough and Steve reached out for Bucky’s hand and gently place it on his stomach.

Bucky hesitated and Steve got goosebumps from how cold his fingers were.

Steve held his hand there, slowly moving with each of his breaths. Bucky’s hand twitched and then pressed into Steve’s skin more firmly.

His hand wandered up Steve’s torso to his chest, falling over his heart and feeling the steady beat. He continued up and let his hand trace over Steve’s shoulder and down his arm.

Bucky took a step forward and now they were _too_ close. Bucky’s hands wrapped around Steve, moving slowly along his back. Bucky’s face fell into the crook of Steve’s neck and he breathed him in silently. His head moved slowly and Steve felt Bucky’s lips against his neck. He tensed, but he waited it out until Bucky’s mouth opened and he felt Bucky’s tongue.

Bucky seemed to realize this at the same time.

He nearly fell as he backed away. “Shit. I- The war. It’s been… a while. Shit. There’s… there’s no excuse for that.”

Steve shook his head. “Buck, it’s okay. I wasn’t sure how you’d react so… uh, I kinda thought that might be… it’s fine.”

Bucky’s eyes caught on the shimmer on Steve’s neck. He could see his own spit on Steve’s skin. He was glad for his uniform so Steve could see how _ridiculously_ hard he was. For _Steve_. It’s not that he didn’t have feelings for Steve. Of course he did. That was the only reason he’d hesitated to tell Steve how he felt about men. He just wasn’t used to… well he wasn’t used to his best friend looking like a cut out from a magazine. It was like both temptations hitting him at once and it was so impossible to resist.

He’d never gotten to touch Steve like that before and he found himself wishing he had.

He realized how long he’d been sitting in silence staring at Steve and mentally thanked Steve for being patient.

Bucky let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “I missed you.”

Steve smiled. “I missed you t-”

Bucky shook his head and interrupted. “No. That’s not- Being here… without you. Thinking I’m gonna die every time we go out again. I _really_ missed you.”

There was something in those words that Steve wasn’t picking up on.

Bucky swallowed. “Um. Shit. Hold on.”

Again, Steve waited for Bucky to collect his thoughts.

Bucky straightened suddenly and started to unbutton his shirt. Steve tensed, but Bucky shook his head, holding up a finger to signal Steve to wait.

When Bucky’s shirt fell to the ground, Steve saw scars and bandages and scabs and bloodstains. Bucky licked his dry lips as Steve’s eyes took in Bucky’s new body as well. Bucky struggled to speak, but he did. “I almost didn’t make it to that show, Steve. And I don’t want to miss something else.”

Steve nodded firmly. “You won’t.”

Bucky’s smile as wide and sad. “You’re moving on to another city and we ship out from here in a week. You can’t come with us without orders. I need to… before we leave… before I leave you again…”

Steve shook his head fiercely. “Then I’ll get orders. Fuck this show. It’s so stupid, Buck. I’ve done it a hundred times. I’ve done tours, I’ve done films.”

Bucky went pale. “That was you… oh, fuck.”

Steve paled in response. “You saw the films?”

Bucky ran his hands over his face. “Yeah, I sure did.”

Steve didn’t understand, but Bucky didn’t give him time to. He pressed on with his original thought. He stared at Steve for a moment before blurting everything out. “I’ve been in love with you for longer than I can remember and I don’t want to go back to the war without you knowing that.”

Suddenly the atmosphere of Bucky standing shirtless and Steve in only his underwear felt very, very different.

“Oh.” Steve hated himself the moment the word fell from his lips.

Bucky smiled, but it looked like it hurt. “Okay. That’s what I wanted you to know.”

Bucky picked up his shirt and moved to unzip the tent. Steve grabbed his arm and accidentally pulled Bucky back harder than he intended. Bucky crashed into him.

Steve grimaced. “Sorry. I’m still getting used to the strength.”

Bucky, despite himself, laughed at Steve’s normal awkwardness. “It’s okay.”

He turned to leave again and Steve caught him again, more gently this time. “Stop it. I don’t want you to leave.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I’m just keepin’ you from time with Peggy.”

Steve flushed. “I’m not thinkin’ about Peggy right now.”

Hope bloomed in Bucky’s eyes before anger pushed it away. “Steve, you’re not- just let me go. I didn’t expect you to feel the same.”

“I didn’t expect that either.”

The air in the room got heavier. Bucky’s sure of it. “What?”

Steve chewed on his lip. He held his hand out to Bucky. As if in a trance, Bucky accepted it. Steve placed his hand over his stomach again, but Bucky let his hand moved to Steve’s lower back. He hesitated. “Steve, you’re sure?”

Steve glanced at Bucky’s lips. “Honestly?” Bucky nodded, answering the rhetorical. “This is happening in my head a lot faster than I have time to keep up with, but I really don’t want you to let go.”

Bucky’s other hand hesitantly reached toward Steve’s face, cupping his jaw. Steve’s chin twitched to angle his head toward Bucky. Bucky asked again, “Sure?”

Steve’s hands gripped Bucky’s hips a little harsher than they should’ve been. Bucky was looking forward to seeing the bruises. Steve nodded quickly. “I’m sure, Buck.”

Bucky pressed their lips together for a second.

Steve let out a harsh sigh that hit Bucky’s lips like a miracle. Steve spoke again. “I said I’m sure.”

Bucky pressed forward again. Their hands explored and caressed. Their tongue clashed awkwardly. Bucky nosed his way down Steve’s jaw. “That wasn’t your first kiss, Steve.”

Steve shrugged, accidentally hitting Bucky’s nose with his shoulder. Bucky glared and Steve smiled unapologetically. “I met this guy while I toured-”

“Guy? Steve…” Bucky clung to him more intensely and Steve continued his story.

“Maybe it wasn’t the girls that kept leaving. Maybe I kept pushing them away.”

Bucky hummed, but didn’t totally agree. “A lot of them turned out to be terrible people. I wouldn’t put the blame on yourself.”

Steve let his eyes fall shut as Bucky’s mouth and tongue traced over veins and new muscles. “Hey, Buck?”

Bucky pried his mouth away from Steve’s skin for half a moment. “Yeah?”

“Are we gay?”

Bucky sputtered a laugh and buried his face unceremoniously into Steve’s chest. “Yeah, Steve. We sure are.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> ooooookay. so this prompt made me laugh so hard. just the image of bucky in the audience popping up and screaming steve's name. it slays me. i had to.
> 
> Warnings: slight references to period based homophobia and self hatred for being gay. Some mental images of a war torn body. A little bit of body dysmorphia due to Erskine's experiment on Steve.


End file.
